accomplished twins. life is a go
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
