Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Is it because I queefed?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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