therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
There are leaves in my underwear?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
