you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
