last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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