I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
