you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
