Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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