I puked a lego.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
