how can u be prego again
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
