Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
