I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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