I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
