Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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