It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
