so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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