its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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