he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
