capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
