Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(518): View more from New York

im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.

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(970): View more from Colorado

just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....

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(734): View more from Michigan

Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?

(1-734): View more from Michigan

How did the beer even get there in the first place?

(734): View more from Michigan

That's not what's important right now

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(434): View more from Virginia

Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.

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(251): View more from Alabama

2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights

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(573): View more from Missouri

You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!

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(386): View more from Florida

you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint

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