i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
