I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
