You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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