There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
