she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
