Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
