i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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