I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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