...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My feet surprised me
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