she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
