I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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