btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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