Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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