based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
