I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
