I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
