woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
