dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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