How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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