when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
