she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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