Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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