She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
