what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize