So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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