watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
