4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
