ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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