I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
