Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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