Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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