so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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