She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
