he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We need to get me chipped asap
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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