we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
