Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
