I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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