Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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