dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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