she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
