Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
