I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
