So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My feet surprised me
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
