remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I don't deserve a penis
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
