he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
