Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
