Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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