WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
