sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
