but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
