Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
They are going to name an STD after you.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
