oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
