HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
