drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
