shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I need to calm my uterus...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
