I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
