i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
