So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
