God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize